The Most Important Relationship

The hardest person to meet in your new city of residence will be the most important one - your hairstylist. Forget doctors and dentists, these are the keepers and slayers of hair. Today I went to get my hair cut for the first time since moving to Syria and my apprehension grew larger after dreaming last night that I would leave the salon with - horror of horrors - female Syrian hair. This means layers and blow-outs so big they rival the miracles of women in Texas.

So I arrive and have the most beautiful thing done, someone else washes my hair, the best part of any haircut. Then the guy with the polyester track suit (opened halfway down his chest so I can admire his mat of curly chesthair) and attitude to match asks what I want done. I point to a picture of Charlize Theron with her delightful long, straight, minimally layered hair. He starts cutting and is done, umm, maybe 8 minutes later. Zero layers, nothing's even but I think I have something resembling bangs again. You need to know that my stylist in Vancouver, Glen the Giver of Amazing Cuts and Colour (call him at One Salon on Burrard 604-733-3909), takes at least 30 minutes JUST TO CUT.

Then another guy slaps some weird paste on my hair (to 'treatment it') and wraps it (my head) in seran wrap and leaves me there for 20 minutes. After he takes it off and washes my head - again - another guy blow dries my hair. You know how in North America most hairdryers come with cool bursts to help the hair set? This one comes with bursts of... HAIRSPRAY! I've never seen or smelled anything like it before. Amazing.

And so I leave the salon with flipped hair smelling like bad aftershave. I don't look too Syrian and thankfully my hair does not hold curl so by the time I get home, the walk and pollution have straightened it back to normal. I'm not crying so it must all be OK. We'll see how I feel after one night of bedhead.

What Not to Do at a Shi'a Wedding

1. do not try and shake the groom's hand
2. do not wear your nine west sparkly gold heels, not because they're inappropriate but because women are competitive, especially at weddings
3. do not make enemies with the bride
4. do not make enemies with the mother of the groom

I didn't know the thing about shaking hands, but I was doing what we do in the West, shaking hands in congratulations. Not until I put out my hand did I notice he was holding the Quran and figured he wasn't supposed to touch another woman apart from his wife. Faux pas number 1.

My friend who I went with told me to wear Western style dress because underneath the hejab the women are all hooched up. They hooch up to compete with each other since no men are allowed at the bride's party. Then he saw what I was wearing and said that I was about to step into a viper's den and would get bitten alive. Apparently I looked too good and was therefore competition. Competition for what???? No men were there!!!!!

Faux pas number 3 was not my fault, the bride was not impressed with faux pas number 1 which no one explained to me.

Mistake number 4 was also not my fault. I was invited to the wedding by the father of the groom whom I met the week before. After the wedding when I told my friend that the mother was NOT friendly to me, he explained that she was probably ticked off because her husband made a big deal of me being there. Again, women are very competitive. WHAT IS OUR PROBLEM???????

I have many other observations about what I witnessed that evening but let's leave it to this one: I think the Sunnis are hipper and more fun but I'm not sure I want to go to one of their weddings to confirm that.